So here I am a step ahead !!

I write when I am sad, I write when I’m upset or angry. I write to vent out my emotions.

I’ve tried to write in my happy bubbly mood so many times but, I always fail. I end up writing a line and then reading, re-reading it, editing it and god knows what not.

Maybe I’ve seen writing as not an art but a way to deal with my emotions trying to tie down bits and pieces of my vulnerabilities. I cannot contain in to words my merrier days but I can articulate my sadness with all the ease and finesse.

It has been the loooongest pause on wordpress and it’s not because I’m not overwhelmed with emotions one day or another; I’m still a wreck somedays and a happy treat another but what I witness in my journey on being here is how I’ve evolved as an individual.

I’ve grown from being too dissolved in my negative emotions leading to panic attacks to being comfortable with these thoughts and approaching them with reason and emotion in a constructive manner. Life is a gift and we just need to accept the darkness to actually work towards coming out in search of light.

It’s when I accepted that I’m scared of heights, I actually got the strength to look down from the mountain cliff without screaming.

No, I did not just took a free fall but I took a step towards my greatest fear and it felt better than where I started from.


Just believe!!

Everyday life is a struggle for each one of us. Everyone fighting a battle of their own.
We fall a hundred times and still don’t rise like we’ve been told by great writers, we fall each time, slowly crawling back to our shell from where we were trying to break free. Every step closer to fighting our demons is another battle altogether; Am I supposed to be giving all my blood and sweat to a cause that seems lost, am I supposed to put in my beliefs in to something that has really less chances of happening statistically but hey few people have succeeded. Am I not supposed to give up?
We all have the answers, we still weep ourselves all night long, staying up and speculating the things that might happen or might never happen.
The solution is persistence, the solution is believing in the cause no matter what “statistics” or “studies” tell you, you’ve to put all that belief from the universe of your heart and soul and put it into your cause; if today you won’t, you might not have a tomorrow to look forward to.

I believe in my cause more than ever, stronger and more affirm than I ever was.
Will you be too??

Story of the roaring sea and the calming ocean!!

“How does it feel to be at ease and relaxed”, she asked.
I stood there, listening to her, hearing each and every spoken word, looking at a distant place and said, “I’ll tell you when I start to flow like the ocean, with it’s stability and calmness, flowing with the ease that it does but right now I’m the roaring sea; tides pushing off the landmass and destabilising everything that comes in it way.”
She looked at me and shook her head in disbelief, ” Can you talk like a normal person for once!’

I just smiled, bid her goodbye and started walking away with the question still ringing in my mind how does it feel to be at ease?
The last time I was at ease with everything going around me, I don’t even remember that!! The chaos, the anxiety, the pain took a toll on me and everything around me.

The sea flooded the land, destroyed the very fabric of the settlement and took away the debris of the marginalised remains of its voyage.
The sea didn’t stop there, it kept changing it’s path and moving and breaking new tides, restlessly trying to make it’s way back home but it couldn’t; the paths were changed and home was no more a home but a concept.
As much as the sea wanted to relax and watch the beautiful sunset like the ocean it couldn’t.
It was envious of the ocean, how it gets to be everything the sea yearns for.

Why can’t I have a simpler life like the ocean? I know it has been through different phases before reaching that point but when will my suffering end?
Every night, sea went to sleep with it’s low tides thinking about it and waking up realising it’s never going to be the way the sea wants it to be.

So eventfully;
the sea accepted it’s fate, the fabric of it’s character and settled with that.
Chaos was it’s happiness, uncertainty was it’s ease, not being in control was it’s comfort zone and ocean was just a distant dream the sea yearned for quietly, knowing it will never be fulfilled.

Embracing your wounds makes you a fighter.

Stay Strong is a mantra we preach.
Staying strong is a lifestyle we want to blend in to. No matter where you are standing in your life; at the bottom of the ladder or at the top, you’ll always talk about how your resilience to stay strong no matter what the situation is keeps you going.
What if I don’t believe in your mantra because I’ve been questioning the very reasoning behind it. What if we have stayed strong for so long, bottling up our emotions, not breaking down, not being vulnerable that our faith, our sensitivity to feel things have been affected.

What if Staying strong truly means being vulnerable, being able to accept that you’ve lost, that you’re hurt, that you’ve not accomplished what you’re looking for and it’s alright to be pulled down and it’s alright to mourn, to be pitiful, to be angry, to scream and cry. It’s alright to feel that you’re lost and you’re in pain.
It’s completely fine, because when you come in touch with your vulnerabilities you heal. When you know there’s an emotion to address and you do address it, you heal.
Healing starts when you open up to your weaknesses, when instead of putting on a strong exterior you look in to your very interiors; for there is no greater strength for being able to feel and then heal.

So next time whenever we see someone venting out their emotions, their vulnerabilities do not call them out by names like p*ssies, whiny kids or whatsoever urban dictionary slang we use.

Let’s embrace them and tell them how they’re on their path to heal and get strong.
For being strong is being vulnerable, accepting and confronting your emotions and still choosing to walk down the path you put your heart in.

For you is kind, you is strong and you is important .

When life meets agony !!

Mera wajood kya hai?
Mein hoon bhi ya nahin ?
Yeh dard mere aabroo hai,
hai saaz bhi awaaz bhi||
Mere hone na hone par hai aitbaar nahin,
is gham ki ruswaaye mein jee rahein hoon,
Khud par mujhe qaraar nahin,
Ab iss aabroo mein jee rahein hoon ||
Dard ko dawa samajh kar pee rahe hoon
Hai dard mere raqeeb, hai dard mera peer bhi
Tu kya puchta hai mein kaun hoon
Mein hoon bhi ya nahin?

Why Drug Addiction is the problem we should be addressing !!

We live in an era where world is moving fast and technology gripping it’s way on to the human civilisation. We’ve seen issues arising due to various haphazards of steadily moving pace of the changing dynamics in the world. We see a deteriorating environment, a stagnant life style and our youth turning towards the deadliest of deadly ways to escape from reality due to various reasons.

The girl who’s always the happiest and bubbly with the biggest social circle friends has started sitting alone and stopped hanging out with her friends.

The boy, everyone is crazy about in high school for his expensive rides and extravagant parties has shaky hands and slurred speech everyday he wakes up.

The jock who used to be the star player of the school basketball team have been missing five previous practice sessions.

The girl who has been topping in all the semesters have suddenly dropped grades and on the verge of failing in Maths.

Do we see a common pattern in the above instances; they’re kids, teenagers leading a simple life, seemingly less complicated but we see a behaviour pattern that is rather baffling as it’s absurd on their part.

I’m not trying to draw conclusions, but coming from where I come and experiencing what I’ve experienced.

Drug Addiction is a disease that can affect the happiest of all, looking for a euphoria to have a good time to someone trying to fit in their peer group no matter what, to someone whose baggage is filled with grievances and pain.
No reason is valid but none is invalid.
Kids in their teenage try our drugs sometimes, for all the reasons and that take them in a loop and breaking out from that pattern is really hard.

I’m not here as a solution provider, if I had the solution I would’ve changed the dynamics of the situation of this world, in a smaller part or larger.
I’m here to talk about the compassion, the love these broken beautiful individuals need to cope up, instead of shutting them off your lives, let them in, help them. If you see any absurd change in their behaviours, talk to them, try to know the problem before the problem becomes the reason for them to escape the world in the worst way possible.
Share their happiness, share their griefs. Be the friend, the parent, the guardian that the situation demands. Be soft in their most vulnerable moment, be tough in their most awake moment.
Awareness is the key to help. Don’t be embarrassed that your kid or peer is a drug addict, please help embracing them by getting rid of the stigma attached to them.

While world is moving ahead and our youth deteriorating, let’s come together. Share the love and humility for our children, for our siblings, for our friends, for any and everyone cuz their lives matter.

How I met my High school sweetheart Part 3 !!

So I’ve been planning to jot the third part for the loongest of while and here it is; for anyone reading it for the very first time and clueless about the turning of events please, read the first two parts by just scrolling down my recent blog posts.


She was shattered with the petite girl’s revelation, her insecurities intensified all of a sudden, she wasn’t confident in her over weight body, she never felt beautiful. She has never been adorned by a man and here it was a race, a race where the trophy was the “supposed” love of her life. For a moment, she gave up on the idea of her perfect love story; but as they say, you don’t give up on your love and here her prince just crossed paths with her on the corridor and she rubbed off the feeling of giving up on her “BIGGEST CRUSH EVER” and fighting it out with the petite girl.
She slept with an empty stomach that night, as her belly was filled with butterflies and anxieties about where fate will take her.

The girls got up the next morning for their trip to the outskirts of Nainital. They boarded in to the bus for visiting a temple located in a beautiful green valley. That day the princess of our story made an effort, she tried to look beautiful in whatsoever juvenile way she felt she could, and alas she got complimented by her roomies too.

*At least our home girl was stepping up her game*

Here she is in the bus, rushing to reach for the seat near her prince’s and the first thing she sees is the petite girl seated opposite to her prince, kind of anxious and furious she finds the seat in front of her prince; stealing glances with the little space between the two armchairs, she beamed with happiness; while on the other end the petite girl was making an effort to initiate a conversation, but our princess wanted to just look at her prince with all the love in her heart. She was jittery with all the feelings she was experiencing for the very first time in her life, and then something happens, something that changes everything forever.

Her foot touches our prince’s foot, an innocent mistake that happens but wait she’s going in for it, she’s not stepping down, her foot is fixed where it was and in her head she’s hoping, she feels that touch once again, just one time; a signal that he’s craving for her as much as she is.

After minutes of waiting for the sign, she feels a foot touching hers, it was kind of a soft rub (but well, you feel only this much thru the touch of two rough shoes).
The moment stands still there but our princess hurriedly moves away her foot. She’s nervous, the excited nervous but she’s so happy in her own little world, thinking that the Prince is falling for her too.

But is this true ?

Was that moment a feet feeling moment, or a moment where two hearts felt the very same things.

I guess we will find out soon.❤️